Here at WMR we’ve seen and heard enough. Donald Trump’s campaign will soon sink under the heavy weight of his adult diaper. Trump’s four criminal indictments, civil liability for sexual assault, and two impeachments should have been enough to have flushed his career down the commode. However, as with most petit-tyrants, Trump’s vanity and narcissism cannot co-exist with the fact that he smells like the men’s room at Yankee Stadium during a seventh inning stretch.

We also bestow upon Trump the not-so-coveted Diaper Dave Vitter Award. For those who don’t remember, Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter unintentionally lent his name to the rare honorific after it was disclosed in 2007 that he paid a Canal Street hooker to clean and discipline him after he pooped in his diaper. One must bear a heavy load to be awarded the Diaper Dave Award, but Donald Trump has achieved that distinction.

Confirmation Trump often reeks of feces, urine, cheap cologne, and an off-putting hair chemical mixture has come from various sources who include former Illinois Republican Representative Adam Kinzinger, one-time The Apprentice production assistant Noel Casler, comedian and Celebrity Apprentice cast member Kathy Griffin, and a host of others who have encountered Trump during his lifetime. Perhaps the most disturbing account is that Trump defecated in his pants during his teens as a cadet at the New York Military Academy. If true, Trump may suffer from encopresis, a disorder that affects five-year olds suffering from what psychologists term an “oppositional defiant and conduct disorder.”

Kinzinger commented on Trump’s smelly aura on a podcast, saying, “I’m genuinely surprised how people close to Trump haven’t talked about the odor. It’s truly something to behold. Wear a mask if you can.” Casler said, “He [Trump] would often soil himself on The Apprentice set. He’s incontinent from all the speed, all the Adderall he does, all the cocaine that he’s done for decades . . . His [bowels] are uncontrollable.” Keith Schiller, the Trump Organization’s security director and later Director of Oval Office Operations, would have the responsibility of cleaning up Trump. That, of course, presents to the world a new joke. What does a Canal Street hooker and Keith Schiller have in common? They both have had to tend to cleanups in Republican diapers.

One TikToker claimed that in 1983, he and his father were dining at Keens Steakhouse on West 36^th Street in Manhattan. They witnessed Trump being asked to leave the premises because he smelled so bad. The TikToker described the scene: “This wasn’t an elderly thing – it was 1983. I wouldn’t make fun of Trump today if it was an elderly thing. That’s not what we do on the left. It happens to elderly people. Trump wasn’t elderly. “ He added, “We didn’t complain. The table next to him complained and the table behind him complained. We smelled it, but my father and I didn’t complain about it. Trump was not elderly. The smell was so fucking offensive that they finally had to ask him to leave, and he did leave, quietly, right by us and then wafted us. Trump’s been shitting all over himself for almost 30 fucking years.” If the account of Trump defecating in his pants in military school is true, make that 60 years that he has been shitting all over himself.

Accounts that Trump smelled to high heaven are buoyed by various social media posts, mainly from those who claimed they caught Trump’s staggering whiff while doing business with him in the 1980s and 90s. One person commented that Trump showed up at an event afterparty in the early 90s. Trump apparently left an olfactory impact on the party’s guests: “I really had the thought back then that he just saw him self [sic] so rich he did not give any care of his smell. I think he showers but gas and not caring to wipe his bum was issue. We saw him later in that evening surrounded by people he was pulling girls into hugs and you could see they were pulling away but he kept forcing them back. So my friends and I left maybe 2 hours into the event.” Accounts of Trump passing gas are bolstered by videotapes, including a February 2018 White House event when Trump, sitting next to California Democratic Senator Dianne Feinstein, farted, earning a grimace from the late California senior senator. It should be pointed out that in England, a synonym for fart is trump. No wonder Queen Elizabeth II tried to keep her distance from the trumping Trump. And no wonder that Rudolph Giuliani, known for farting twice on attorney Jenna Ellis during a televised election deposition, finds it no problem to be around Trump. And in a historical case of the pot calling the kettle black, we have an interesting account from "Trump whisperer" Maggie Haberman in her book, "Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America." Haberman writes, "While aboard one of the former president’s planes with Giuliani, Trump made it a point to 'loudly complain' about 'the odor after Giuliani had used one of the plane’s bathrooms, so that other aides could hear.' 'Rudy! That’s fucking disgusting!' Trump yelled." Americans once read the exploits of The Hardy Boys. America has now produced The Farty Boys.

In Trump’s case, it is not a situation in which the emperor has no clothes. This fractured fairy tale emperor has clothes but they’re all full of crap. Trump recently offered donors to his legal defense fund masquerading as a presidential campaign a non-guaranteed fragment of his trademark blue suit in return for a hefty purchase of Trump’s NFTs. He could have added that for an additional amount of cash, the purchaser could walk away with a soiled fragment of Trump’s suit. As a sign of our times, Trump’s cult members would be emptying out their bank accounts to own some of Trump’s shit.

All this talk of Trump’s incontinence and farting might seem childish at best. It should be noted, much to Elon Musk’s chagrin, that the hashtag #TrumpSmells has been trending on X for the past week. Mark my words when I say that it is such mockery of someone as vainglorious as Trump that could be the one thing that brings him down. Forget the indictments, impeachments, sexual assaults, tax fraud, and all the other malfeasance. Voters have for decades figuratively claimed that this or that candidate “stinks.” In Trump’s case, he really does stink. Grossly so.

During World War II, Allied propaganda specialists, keenly aware that Adolf Hitler suffered from constant farting, crafted, in cooperation with Walt Disney Productions and RKO Pictures, a cartoon titled “Der Fuehrer’s Face.” The family-friendly cartoon eliminated the rubber razzer “Bronx Cheer” sound effect previously popularized by Spike Jones and His City Slickers’ rendition of Oliver Wallace’s tune, “Der Fuehrer’s Face.” Disney replaced the flatulence-mimicking rubber razzer with a tuba, however, the meaning was the same. Donald Duck was farting in Hitler’s face. Many decades later, Trump is fond of quoting Hitler in campaign speeches. We should all take a note from Disney and give the congenital encopresis-burdened Trumpy McShitpants a Bronx Cheer every time we hear his name.

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